


How to SVD (Saunter Vaguely Downwards)

by Wortspiel



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Attempt at Humor, Fallen Angel, Fallen Angel Lucifer, Gen, Good Omens Prequel, Heaven, Hell, How to SVD, Humor, Prequel, Saunter Vaguely Downwards, The Ineffable Plan (Good Omens), svd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-12 09:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19226392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wortspiel/pseuds/Wortspiel
Summary: You always wanted to know how Crowley Fell - Sorry - Sauntered Vaguely Downwards?Then let me tempt you to read on and see for yourself what he has lived through...





	1. How it all began

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Crowley, God or any of the other Good Omens characters. They all belong to Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I'll just borrow them for this story, which has been floating through my head for some time. 
> 
> Have fun reading!

There we go. I have been wondering for some time now how Crowley fell - let me correct myself - _Vaguely Sauntered Downwards_. You have been wondering as well? Here is what he has told me. Maybe I have embellished one or two details a bit. However, mostly I'm quite sure this is how it has happened...  
  
  
Before there was earth, our universe or even heaven and hell, there was _Consciousness_. One single _Awareness_ that became two and three and four and many. Splitting _Itself_ , _It_ formed those splinters into individuals and gathered them all around its _Almighty Being_. Content with what _It_ had created, _It_ decided there was more that could be. And more _It_ made.  
  
That was, basically, how heaven came to be. Heaven and its inhabitants. At first, they possessed no actual form, for thoughts drifting in vacant space had never required such a thing. But as heaven took shape, with all its dazzling clean beauty, its residents slowly grew with it. What _They_ had created, tempted to be touched. And touch - a very new and extremely exciting concept - was soon widely acclaimed as the first foot (or what was the early equivalent of it) was set upon soft white and cloudy ground.  
Around that time, presumably, the _Ineffable Plan_ slowly but steadily took shape and grew within _Their_ brilliant mind.  
That probably was one of the reasons why _They_ , as _Their_ children were happily exploring their new possibilities, shut _Themselves_ off in behind a barrier, shielding said _Plan_ from prying eyes until it would finally be finished.  
  
That was when things went downwards for Crowley - a name he did not carry yet and did not expect to ever carry.

No, back then he was like all the other Angels. That was how they called themselves now - 'Angels'. A term to refer to themselves, just as the individual names they developed to improve communication in their new, almost corporal state.  
Back then Crowley was just as pure, clean, and untainted as all the others were. Unlike most though, he was wondering. Wondering if there was more of what _They_ had already given to them. More to explore, more to do.  
  
Most likely, this curiosity was what made some of the Angels recognise the power that dwelled within them. Residue of _Their_ power, slumbering idly ever since _They_ had created the Angels from tiny slivers of _Their_ own existence. It was of course not comparable to what _They_ had. Never. It was just a taste of what _They_ could do. A hint of magic and creation every single one of them could effect. Just enough to shape themselves and their surroundings to their own satisfaction. Miracles. That's what they called it.  
  
Crowley - which is how he will further on be called here, for he is still refusing to tell me the name he carried back then - was among the first, experimenting and discovering. He was quite good at it, so he thought. Creative and diligent. Always up to date and informed about developments and trends.  
  
However, I have to admit, first tries in developing a constant 'body' were quite confusing. They reached from limbless dull... 'blobs' to very abstract forms that would take far too much time and probably a few creative neologisms to be described here. (Just use your imagination!)  
  
Therefore, after _They_ grew tired of watching _Their_ children struggle, the first viable draft came from _Them_. You could imagine it a bit like some godly IKEA instructions: “You need one torso, one head, two arms and two legs. Add hands and feet with each five fingers or toes. Assemble those like this...  
Don't forget to see the back of page for further construction of the 'face'.”  
  
Soon the they had gotten the hang of it and, apart from a few stubborn individual cases, most of the Angels had formed and shaped their outer appearance into something we today would probably call ‘humanoid’. Sure, each of them interpreted the instructions in their very own way - with it turning out shorter or longer, slimmer or wider, darker or lighter, straighter or curved - all Angels had soon found a permanent favourite form to further decorate.  
  
Crowley had picked himself a light colour for the surface of his slim and lengthy, but very elegant frame. In his opinion, it went along perfectly with the golden hue of his eyes.  
His favourite colour though was Red. Brand new and piercing. He found it quite appealing and decided he would put it to good use as soon as he found a fitting opportunity.  
  
Said opportunity presented itself soon after:  
Someone came up with the concept of hair. Soft to the touch and so very beautiful. Crowley loved it. Though he did not approve of it covering his entire appearance, as its inventor had suggested. He decided to put it only into chosen, special places: The top of his head for example and his chest. Later on, he decided the latter to be very impractical. Despite it being quite impressive, all long and wavy, it always got in the way, whatever you did. Therefore, he reduced it to a minimum and sparsely spread it over arms and legs instead. Satisfied with his results, he added only one tiny detail. ‘Eyebrows’ was what he called them. Right above your eyes, and - in some cases - incredibly movable. Made your face much more expressive and cleared up many misunderstandings from then on.

He was happy and proud to see how his own little invention spread among his kind. Even Lucifer, who was just as picky as popular, seemed to be impressed. He marked it down as a big success right then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Crowley invented eyebrows. Be glad he did. Most of us would look quite ridiculous without them.
> 
> I had just one chapter in mind for this story as I began writing. Somehow, creativity began bubbling and cooked up this. I hope you enjoyed it until now. More is to come. If you have any wishes, ideas or complaints, please do not hesitate to tell me. I’ll be happy to shape the line of this story for your entertainment.
> 
> Since English is not my first-language and I currently have no one to beta-read it, there may be some errors in it. Please tell me if you find some, I’ll correct them.  
> Thank you for reading!


	2. How to spread your wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the spiral downwards continues very slowly...

Wings came next after the first version of feathers. After gaining an appearance that was bound to the ground by heaven's gravity (If you could call it that. Since nobody had yet a real corporal body, it was more of a simulation than the actual thing. You may say it was kind of a test run.), some of the Angels sorely missed the sensation of freely drifting through space. Flying was of course not floating as they had known it, but it lessened gnawing thoughts of being glued to the ground for eternity.  
  
It took them quite a few attempts to get them right, but soon most of the Angels spread their white and feathery wings, enchanted by their pure beauty.  
So did Crowley. Miracling those things onto your back had been a challenge. By far the biggest one, he had encountered until now. All the precise placement of feathers, their careful alignment, their fragile structure.  
Once all was in place, he gave them a little shake and turned his head over his shoulder to watch them spread in awe.  
Dazzlingly white as all the others and _oh so graceful_.  
His first try using them, however, was not as graceful. He soon dealt with the stinging sensation of several misplaced feathers…

As time passed, he eventually did manage to use them properly. If there had already been bikes, you'd probably have compared it to riding one. Once you got the hang of it, you never lost the ability to do so. - Which did not mean you had to like it. While Crowley had become a decent flyer, he preferred to keep his feet on firm ground. If there only was something to have you reach your desired destination a bit faster. Maybe someday there would be. Until then he relied mainly on his own two bare feet.  
  
By now the Angels had, with the help of _God_ (That was how _They behind the barrier_ were called now), formed a kind of society. Being touchable, separated individuals with unique names had greatly powered this progress and quickly resulted in the development of hierarchy, allocation of responsibilities and friendship.  
The first one never really caught Crowley’s attention. _God_ was good and great, but he had never felt the desire to bootlick - if there had been boots by now, that is.  
Instead, he simply focused on finishing his _God_ -given tasks, which, to his discontent, contained mostly utterly boring paperwork. He spent a lot of his time sitting behind his desk yawning and stamping one failed idea or draft of a new invention after another and sorted the heaps of paper into their respective folders - just to let them gather dust in rows of - literally - _God_ forsaken shelves. Actually all of the tasks given out did not hold much appeal to him. Apart from one.

He had heard people whisper. There were rumours a few chosen ones of the most sedulous Angels had been picked to guard 'Earth'. As far as he knew ‘Earth’ had been created simultaneously with heaven, but since no one had ever seen it or actually had come back from there, it might as well have been nothing but a myth. At that time, he did not have a clue how _wrong_ he was concerning that assumption.

His main interest, of the three earlier mentioned, was friendship. Apart from coming up with new ideas on how to change your appearance or environment, surrounding yourself with entertaining companions was the only interesting way to pass your free time. Which leads us to the following occurrence...

"Hey, Crowley! (Remember, we're just using this name because we lack the knowledge of his original one. Bothering you? Feel free to substitute it with whatever you like then.) Done dusting off shelves, are ya?"  
"All done," he replied less enthusiastically and let himself plop down besides Matthias onto the pillowy ground. Rahel made some room for him to stretch out his legs.

“Nothing interesting at all to tell you today. Just the usual stuff. Some designs for new buildings, landscapes, whatever. The third time I read about water falling from up there. This time they tried calling it ‘rain’. Just… what for? Someone even dared suggesting a new ‘lifeform’. As if that would ever get approved.” With a shrug, he leaned back against one of the slim columns that surrounded the pavilion.

“What have you been up to?”

 “You know, this and that. Nothing unusual. No, wait-“

A grin etched itself onto Matthias’ round face.

“I met Lucifer earlier. I think he’s done being bored silly. Has been rambling about something big he’s planning.”

Crowley studied the sturdy little Angel with interest. If Lucifer was planning something, it was most likely something very entertaining. He had come up with quite a few fascinating ideas. Giving in to his curiosity, he leaned in closer.

“Did he tell you what he’s planning?...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far! I hope you enjoyed it! Please tell me if there is any wish I can grant you, any complaint or whatever you want to tell me. I'd be happy to improve my writing based on your reviews.


	3. How to keep your 'friends'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer is revealing bits of his scheming through one of his peers... a revolution is beginning to simmer beneath the peaceful atmosphere.

"He's planning _what?_ "  
Crowley stared at Matthias, mouth ajar, golden eyes wide in utter disbelief. Even Rahel, who had obviously already been let in on the plan, shifted uneasily on crossed slender legs.

  
"He's planning to create a second sun." Matthias repeated.

   
"Why would he do that? I'd know if that had been approved by _God_. I'm the one sorting through the applications. That goes against every rule that- It just goes against every single rule there is."

  
Matthias' grin widened in amusement.  
"That's precisely why he won't hand in his draft. I don't get why we need to do that anyways. Come on, don't tell me you haven’t had enough of those heaps of useless documents."

  
Crowley frowned at that. Yes, it was terribly boring, but he did see some use in it. If all the things he had read through had simply been created or changed there'd be quite a bit of chaos raging through heaven by now.

  
"And on top of that," Matthias went on, breaking his chain of thoughts, "we've been given those creational powers to use them, right? What else do we have them for? If _God_ can use them, so can we. I think it's degrading to be limited in that way."  
He shrugged, brown locks wiggling with the sudden motion.  
"He's going to prove we're worth more than being just... _servants_."

   
His inflection of the last word - _servants_ \- unfolded the distaste hidden behind his smile. It settled an uncomfortable feeling inside Crowley's stomach.  
Despite this presentiment, his curiosity drowned it before it got the chance to grow and spare him some worry.  
His imagination instead presented him with a view of two burning gas giants circling each other up above. A truly beautiful sight. And what harm could it do? Well executed - and Lucifer was known for his precise work - it'd pose no trouble. Not as far as he knew. Apart from the discussions with _God_ that might ensue afterwards. But how bad could that be? _God_ had always been good to and confident in _Their_ Angels.

Matthias' smile had faltered while he studied the inner conflict playing out on the slim red-framed face.  
"You're gonna keep quiet about this, are you?"

Keeping quiet about it meant deceit. Not just betraying _God_ , but also Crowley's very own values. He’d fail his given task. On the other hand, he also considered it his task to have an eye on this. After all he was charged with overseeing the development of new inventions. This one just hadn’t made it on paper - yet. Right now it was just an idea, a plan, far from being accomplished any time soon. Who could hold his curiosity against him? If Lucifer really was about to put his plan into action without permission, there was still plenty of time to report it back to his superiors.

  
Crowley could feel the piercing gaze on his skin and eventually forced himself to nod.  
"Keep me updated. I might come over and have a look if he's willing to show me how far he's gotten yet."

  
A flash of relief washed over Matthias' chubby features, as he slapped his knees with both hands and came back onto his feet.  
"Alright. Gonna do. We may need your help with something beforehand anyways."  
With that, he waved them both goodbye and sauntered away, innocently whistling some ethereal tune Crowley wasn't familiar with.  
He was now left with his doubts - and Rahel, who seemed equally thoughtful as himself.

 

  
Friendship wasn't hard to find back in these days. Of course there were some odd folks, you just would not get along with. Crowley, for example, could not stand Gabriel - he fancied himself far too much for his taste.

Overall, the Angels had formed a very dovish society, mainly built on altruism and benevolence.  
Crowley and his mixture of bubbling imagination and curiosity had found their place among the creative and inventive section of the community. He had been a dreamer right from the beginning, always striving to improve what he had and explore what was new.

Until now he had moved within the given restrictions from above. Nobody had ever questioned them openly nor had anybody ever dared breaking them. Not because they feared _Them_ or _Their_ punishment but simply because _God_ had never given them any reason to do so. They had been generously provided with all their needs and everyday there were new ideas approved and added to the growing world around them.

Today, for instance, it had been wind. Much to Crowley’s dismay, for his long curly hair was no longer as comfortable as it had been. It constantly stuck to his face, depending on the cardinal direction he turned himself to. He had Rahel weave it into a rough braid eventually, almost reaching down to his waist as it was finished.

The two of them spent the night side by side, mulling the day’s events while solemnly watching the newly added moon, as it basked the peaceful landscape in its shimmering silvery glow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Reviews are very welcome. Tell me your thoughts, wishes, complaints or ideas. I'll be happy to use them to improve this story and/or my writing!~


	4. One step too far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly, one step after another, we're moving downwards...

No matter how Crowley looked at Matthias' revelation, he always arrived at the same conclusion: Even if he wasn't considering Lucifer's conduct right and good, there were, with certainty, Angels sharing his disruptive sentiment. So even if he declined them his help, it wouldn't pose them many difficulties to replace him with someone else. In the end he had decided to better take part in it and keep a wary eye on it, than just turning his back on them and their scheming.  
Probably that was just another way for him to smother his doubts and satisfy his curiosity. He couldn't deny that his task was terribly soporific. On top of that the food hadn't been very inviting lately. Quite the opposite actually. It seemed to threaten you sometimes: _Come ooon, eat me or I'll eat you._

Obviously the Angels cooking were just as dissatisfied with their given task as were Lucifer and his lot. Maybe he wasn't so wrong after all and a little change of pace was just what they needed.

 

That was mainly what went through Crowley's head over the next few years, as he went on with the monotonous work in his office - which still managed to be ever so dull and glum despite its white furnishing, bathed in warm daylight.

  
Today he remembers quite vividly that his life in heaven took a sharper turn around the year 3984.

 

By now Matthias and his pals had paid him a few visits. Mainly to get a few glimpses onto approved applications. Among them had been basic elements like carbon, nitrogen, hydrogen, helium and one of the more recent experimental elements: sulphur.

He had given them access in exchange for sneak peeks on their progress. It seemed like they were eventually reaching the final stages of their plan and Crowley's interest grew expotentially with every glimpse he got to see.

One day, on his way to get some entertainment after spending more hours meticulously sorting though heaps of scrawled on paper, he met the brunette Angel close to his office.

As soon as he was invited to follow after, he cancelled his plans on chancing a look at Earth - by now the planets existence had been confirmed and, though it was nearly impossible to gain a physical body to go there, you could watch it from several places in heaven. The best scenic outposts were scattered around the three shimmering golden gates. Today he'd leave his favourite spot to someone else and instead focused his attention onto Lucifer's creation.

To Crowley's suprise, he had hidden his experiments well enough within the most contorted and secluded, but unexpected, realm of heaven: Right beneath the golden cubic building that marked the urban center spot.

This was exactly were every big decision was made, were judgement was rendered, where _God's_ holy will was literally carved into stone to last forever.  
Nobody would have ever suspected something this disreputable going on right beneath their holy floor tiles.

He was quite flabberghasted as Matthias led him down the hidden, crooked staircase and right into a spacious hall, that undermined most of the monumental building. Its goldgleaming walls were just as impressive as its upper counterpart's.

However, what caught Crowley's attention immediately were neither the spectacular construction, nor its pompous decoration. It was the raging crowd of Angels, that had gathered around a slim podium and a single striking figure right behind it: Lucifer.

An Angel who lived up to his big name. Behind the 'bringer of light' glimmered a smoldering globe of bright red heat, licking and lashing around its perimeter in long fiery tongues - threatening to burn everyone, who dared coming closer than absolutely necessary.

It wasn't any bigger than its creator - yet. A few steps in diameter perhaps. But nevertheless - it was breathtakenly awe-inspiring.

Ripping his eyes from the miniature sun, he focused onto its creator, who was now viciously staring down a fellow conspirator.  
His booming voice whipped about the crowd and made heads flinch in a mixture of fear and reverence.

"Have you got any idea what's going on up there?" he snapped and pointed upwards with one furiously shaking finger.

"Poor soul. Still believing in good and friendly _God_."  
The 'poor soul' shyed back as the crowd howled around him.

"Always proctecting us, aren't _They_? You could not be more wrong. We're being used! Can't you see that?"

He aimed the question at everyone. Crowley spotted a few nodding their assent.  
"We're nothing more than... than obedient workers! Servants! We're coming up with so many ideas and we carry them out! What for? Earth! We're... We're just test subjects! _God_ is testing _Their_ creations on us, before _They_ unleash them on Earth. And on top of that, we're developing all those pretty little details for _Them_! What will become of us after that? Guess what? -"

A few shrugged helplessly. Crowley wondered if they had ever thought about it. He hadn't. At least not this intensely.

"I took my guess! We'll be eradicated as soon as we're no longer useful. When Earth's in full bloom - and I've got my sources, it's going fabulous! - then we'll be thrown out. _I_ won't let that happen! I'm going to prove great _God_ we're not going to just idly sit by and watch _Them_ do as _They_ please. _I'll_ be a creator as good as _Them_. Look how far we've come already!"

Frantically waving behind him, he gesticulated to the sizzling fireball.

"And we won't stop here!" he bellowed as the crowd shrieked and cheered to his fierce speech.

Crowley slowly backed away. The ferocious glint in Lucifer's piercing glare sent a shiver down his spine. This wasn't just some curiosity in creating. Not anymore. This was slowly but steadily turning into a fullblown revolution. And Crowley was mostly sure this was something thas was highly inconsistent with his own values and intentions. 

A few steps more and he was back out and away. Just a few steps. 

An unrelenting grip on his wrist seized his movement before he could turn around and run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Reviews are very welcome. Tell me your thoughts, wishes, complaints or ideas. I'll be happy to use them to improve this story and/or my writing


End file.
